Moral Mind

I had a friend who spoke truth to me and then, sadly, became a liar. While the truth remains, she has not. Our friendship dissolved many years ago, and more recently, she died suddenly.

Clandestine meeting
I am pondering, who the liar really is? Was she the one, or was it me? She was an interesting person, full of life, excitement, stories and drama. It was the drama part that was the undoing of our friendship. I couldn't keep up with her and when she introduced me to her boyfriend, that was the final straw that broke the friendship back. 

She was married with two children. She was also going to couples counselling to fix her husband, but was unwilling to give up her boyfriend at the same time. One day, on my birthday, she introduced me to the man she was seeing, on the side as the saying goes. I still recall the clandestine meeting, and my massive discomfort, following our coffee shop encounter, as I drove away. I knew she set up this meeting so I that I would collude with her illicit activities. She had many reasons for justifying her behaviours, and wanted a close friend to be "in on it" with her.

Morally corrupt story
There were signs along the way of degeneration in her thinking, and corresponding secretive and sinful activities. She had wiley ways of sharing information, that leaned in the direction of justification for her decisions. I recall her attempts to make her husband really wrong. She would enrage him, wanting him to assault her, so that she could have him removed from their home. 

Funny how far she was willing to go to ensure she got her own way. Funny how badly she wanted me to agree with her, and buy into her make believe self-imposed morally corrupt story. 

As the lies accumulated over time, their weight pressed down on me, and contact with her felt like exposure to the worst toxins. I had to question my own integrity, and wonder about how much of our eleven year friendship was based on lies? 

• Was I covering for her? Did I encourage her? 
• Was I accountable in any, in many, in countless ways, for her choices and wayward wanderings? The resounding question became:
• What role did I play in this woman's downfall? 

I could not be her friend

On the heals of these disturbing musings, came a decision based on a sick feeling: I could not collude. I could not be a contributor to her rantings, her rationalizing, her cheating and self-indulgent ways. I could not be her friend any longer.

Why am I telling you this, dear reader? It is to share this wisdom:

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend (Proverbs 27:17)

I did not sit by
I confronted my friend. I pointed out to her that she was engaging in immoral, and reprehensible behaviours. I challenged her thinking and her dangerous activities (these go unmentioned here; suffice it to say she endangered many as she allowed an escalation of emotions to take over her reasoning). 

I did not sit by, saying nothing. This would not be commensurate with the type of friendship I value. As she walked away from truth, I did not hold her hand. I did not commend her to evil ways. I did not: friends do not stand by while people they care about self-destruct, making choices that negatively, long term and often permanently, impact, and or destroy, relationships.

Gratitude
I am grateful. I have so many friends, and not a one of them leaves me the way I am! When I am a dull knife, they become iron and without hesitation, begin sharpening me. Because of my excellent reasoning skills, I have the ability to know what is good for me, and I snap out of stupid mode quickly, when one of my life partners says STOP IT! Wise people heed excellent advice, and I have many a wise whisper in my life. 

I am truly blessed.

A challenge for you

Pinky swear to honesty

Dear one, let us turn our gaze in your direction:

• Do you have a friend that is self destructing, while you stand by and encourage them to feel good about themselves and their choices? 
• Are they fooling around, or neglecting the important people in their life, while you listen and nod your head, buying into their bull crap, about how hard-done-by they are?
• Are you a contributor to the breakdown of a family, because you want to maintain friendship, over challenging your friend to be an accountable and honest person? 
• Are you colluding with another, because to challenge them requires more effort than you, are willing to make? 

Dear reader, make believe stories destroy families and relationships. Recall, my friendship started in truth, and ended with the stench of lies. That is not all that ended. My former friend, her death was sudden and from what I have learned, she was a very lonely, and disturbed person prior to her leaving this world. I couldn't change her mind, or the outcome of her life choices, but I sure did try.

Be iron for someone
Maybe, just maybe, you can be iron for someone? Maybe you can say stop it and they will listen. Maybe you are the only one that they will be able to hear because they trust you, and know that you believe in them still? 

Do something dear one. Take a stand, speak your moral mind, stop the tragedy of doing nothing at all...

We are our brothers and sisters keeper, that is what true friendship is all about