Emotional Laziness

Nails on chalkboards
It is Friday night, and I am considering some deep questions about myself and some of the people that have infiltrated my life. The word infiltrate infers an almost sinister gaining of access "to acquire secret information". When I think back over time, I can see discord, hear nails on chalkboards, and screeching-to-a-halt feelings that I managed and contained. In my memories, their are faces and situations, along with odd occurrences that did not match what I believe about who I am or who good people are: I went along for the ride sometimes, turning into the people around me. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, isn't that sadly right, dear reader? 

This is emotional laziness at it's best, turning me and perhaps you, into our worst. Becoming who we never dreamed of being, what we actually despise in others, is a living nightmare, only no one is sleeping. It is wide awake awareness that makes us accountable for the coping and copying.

Vileness that lurks in each of us
I am more me now than I have ever been. I have proud moments that stand out as evidence that I can and do choose my company, my reactions, my approach, who I want to be when others are looking, and not looking. I am pretty consistently friendly, hopeful, playful, engaging, thoughtful and kind. I show mercy and compassion and I always self assess, checking myself for the vileness that lurks in each of us; that threatens to show its ugly face when we feel wounded or enraged. 

Do not repay
evil with evil (1 Peter 3:9)

This is the me, the wounded and next, enraged one, I indulge alone. It is never ok to spill our poison where someone else might get singed by contact. This me is emotionally mature, emotionally sound and intelligent... advanced and elevated. Sometimes I utter hate but the part of me that hates to hate cannot tolerate this evil, cannot repay evil with evil. This makes me weep because rising above is forever and always the hardest thing we will ever do as humans. It is the hero in me that does not permit disparaging other humans for any self-indulgent length of time. 

Heroes are in our midst
I look for heroes everywhere dear reader. They exist, they are in our midst. It is the mom or dad left behind, to keep the family together. It is the child who loves even when they don't understand. It is the parent that watches, hopes and waits for their son or daughter to start living again. They are the friends that ask, are you alright, do you need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen? It is the family that says we are here for you and you deserve better... it is the drug addict who wakes up with vomit on his pillow and realizes he is not superman, that he is merely man, and that his wife and kids require him to be his best. It is kindness dear reader, grace and forgiveness given when undeserved. Extending this when we would rather not, that is being heroic. 

Are you a hero?

Are you a hero dear reader? Is nobility a character trait that you display in your public and private moments? Do ethics and morals play lead roles in your life? How can we, the people that know you or may meet you one day, trust you? Can you be held to your word, or must this be at gun point? Who are you and what do you stand for? Are you proud of you? Again, are you, a hero, worth knowing or are you emotionally lazy, infiltrating the lives of others and secretly stealing from them, laying your hands in places they should never have gone?

Asking ourselves these questions takes bravery, and the honest answers may require each of us to open our eyes to how close to, or far away, we have travelled from being heroic. While many are on their third Friday night weekly ritual beverage, I lay these heavy queries at your feet, an offering of something far more valuable and significant: a challenge to look into your own soul and see what lurks or lights the you that is.