The Wrong Side of Right

I heard a great expression recently, "this side of glory". This makes me feel like heaven is up there, over there, just yonder while we human types are here somewhere looking for THAT. One definition of glory is: the splendour and bliss of heaven. Now this is a googled dictionary definition Dear Reader. This means that long ago, heaven was spoken of as a real place of "splendour and bliss" and that the scholarly amongst us had words to describe what you and I can only imagine. For the scoffing skeptic, believing in heaven and its glorious splendour is mockable and they might say "imagination and reality are two different things, poor naive yet to learn the hard facts dreamer." What do you say to this, Dear One? What does scripture tell us about heaven? I am thinking of Jesus as He hung on a cross between two condemned crucified criminals...
Luke 23:39-43 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!" But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom!" Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."
A rose between two thorns, Dear Reader? I find this utterly fascinating and a vibrantly alive depiction of modern day man. Who do you say Jesus is? Do you believe in Him as King? Is He able to grant you, a criminal, a sinner, entrance into His Kingdom? Are you like the mocker, daring to challenge Jesus to perform for you, prove Himself? This Jesus, famous now, famous then...He is known, written and spoken about. He is the redemptive hero and His story is retold every year. Our calendar is marked by His life, death and resurrection. Time stopped and started with Him In The Beginning, and In The End when His Kingdom becomes a reality for those who ask to be remembered by Him.
Back to the crosses...one man was on the wrong side of right. He did not see, he did not hear, he denied Deity in His Presence. Another man was on this side of glory, and that very day, he was promised to be in The Presence of The King in paradise. When Jesus asks you this question of "Who do you say that I am?", what will your answer be Dear One? Who is He to you?

Love

What do you believe about love, Dear Reader? A quote from Tony Robbins: "Love is an irresistible force if it is sincere." Would you agree with this statement? Your perspective and understanding of love may lead you to a similar conclusive statement or, it may lead you to say this, "Love hurts." It is our individual experience or inexperience with true love that brightens or taints our view. Our internal dialogue about love shows itself in our relationships. Humanly speaking, we can speak love with our mouths and deny it with our actions. This may be intentional and duplicitous or it may just be that we haven't worked it all out yet, we haven't figured out what we really believe about love and our relationship with it. Ultimately, love is about me, and you, in relationship with one another. It is about you, and him/her and relating to this person. It is about us and them, becoming unified in love because there really is NO us and them, only a we and Thee. I know, I know I am meandering about and I must get to it, here and now. Your love is relentless is the refrain in my head. It is an offering up of humble understanding that Gods love is relentless. He gives it and does not always receive it back. Does God then see love as "hurt"? Does He withhold it, resent the ingrate, punish the petulant, point a finger and say "NOT FAIR!" and "DAMN YOU"? Well I guess He could and perhaps you believe this of Him? I challenge you now, what kind of parent would He be with this kind of thinking and behaviour, I mean really? He would be a human parent of course! I am laughing now at the ridiculous comparisons we make when we equate Gods love with our own twisted and mutated dysfunctional made up versions. Silly humans, created in Gods image and acting like cartoon versions play acting at the real thing. Tony Robbins has it right, love is irresistible, a force. It is the Giver of Love that is Love and we don't have to make up how it works because He models it for us everyday. His love is relentless because as we wander to and fro trying to figure everything out on our own, he relentlessly loves us as we muck about and make a mess out of things. He sees His kids playing in the mud and He waits, and waits. When the kids are ready to come out of the dirt, He washes them clean, gently at first, and then there is the good old fashion scrubbing behind the ears and perhaps inside of them too? Is your love an irresistible sincere force Dear One? Is your love relentless? Do you love like a human or have you learned to love like God? The Power of Love, a force from above...learn it, live it. 

Arrogant Ignorance

With experience comes the often sought after and allusive gift, of wisdom. The expression youth is wasted on the young comes to mind, along with, if I only knew then what I know now. Oh yes, and this annoying one, hind sight is 20/20. Come with me dear reader, as I take a sardonic look at what was, is, and will be? 

While exploring my own experiences, see if you can relate.

I was arrogant in my youth, confident in my assessments of people and situations: a bit of a know it all. Quite argumentative and obnoxious really: and proud, proud of my abilities to logically argue my point, to a self satisfied win. Nonsense of course. I was adamant is all, with maybe some flashes of brilliance, mixed with the audacity of believing I was right, because I didn't know any better and didn't want to. I can laugh now at myself, remembering the eyes that stared back at me in disbelief, over my own ridiculous idiocy. 

Adults in my life back then probably thought I was beyond reach, reason and teaching. In my stubbornness to be independent of the influences of others, I clung rigidly to what seemed to me like principled beliefs, with a puritanical flavour of course. Judging others for their lack of wisdom came easily for me, given the fact that knowing everything did too. This makes me laugh to write because of my close encounter with Socrates. Socrates is quoted as saying, All I know is that I know nothing. 

This struck me in my humility bone. I had been ignorant in my arrogance, and the seed of humility had been planted in my psyche by a brilliant man of observation: All I know is that I know nothing. This expression has stayed with me, and protects me whenever the defence mechanism of having to be right, has wanted to highjack my good sense and reason. At almost 50 years of age, I like the freedom being teachable affords me, and the humility that goes with being a life long learner. Somehow admitting not knowing makes one wiser: how very paradoxical is that? 

I still haven't made my point though, have I dear reader? 

It is this: some people in my life, let's call them parents, relatives and friends, have forgiven me many a time for what can only be described as arrogant ignorance. They stood in the gap for me, believing in me whilst perhaps turning a deaf ear, to what they hoped was a fading phase. 

The first intercessor

The hope of my transmuting into something better than what they saw, and experienced, superseded their understandable desire, to maybe quietly walk away. Their prayer was one of intercession, a standing in the gap while child grows in the ways of wisdom. 

Jesus is The First Intercessor and prayed:

Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34)

Our prayer must be the same, for those who are arrogantly ignorant, and need us to stay in hopeful belief, while they learn the humble lesson of, All I know is that I know nothing. 

God willing, each generation learns this great lesson more quickly than the last: but alas, experience and reality has taught me otherwise. 

Hostile Takeover

How to resist a hostile takeover? You have a promising future and someone has their envious eyes turned in your direction. You feel the intense gaze and it sends a shiver through your body. What you have is what they want and with a sideways glance, you keep your eyes trained on them. Decided, you turn and look straight away, into their eyes, nodding in acknowledgement. You transmit a message with your clear unblinking stare, "I see you, I know what you are about. Not a chance-you cannot and will not have what belongs to me." The dead hate filled eyes stare back, volleying a bullet message of "Don't be so confident now, I have my ways." Your heart skips a beat. The threat of a hostile takeover erects itself as a tower of doubt, lodging somewhere in your soul. Shallow breathing, imminent danger, panic. Trance like, you feel adrenaline flowing with the shaky feeling of not knowing what to do, what can be done? Logic escapes you. You search your memory for similar experiences, working backward to find a way forward, a way out, a way in, a way. What is happening you wonder? A furrow in your brow appears in consternation. Disconcerting is the sentiment and then it dawns on you. Mine. Mine, he cannot have what is not his. Try as he might, and that is the threat, he cannot take what has not been given freely to him. It is not a battle of wills, it is a battle of his creation. His weapons of war include fear mongering, doubt, pride, ego, self aggrandizement, striving. He sells these wholesale and buyers are not warned to beware. He wants what you have because it is pure and good, kind, generous and love filled. He does not want to take over, he wants to destroy. How do you, Dear One, resist a hostile takeover?
Matthew 16:17-19 And Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." Our question, how to resist a hostile takeover Dear One. What is your answer? Simon Peter was blessed for listening to our heavenly Father. In the verses above hell is mentioned along with the keys to heaven. Make of this what you will. As for me, what belongs to God cannot ever be taken by evil. Try as they might, grubby hands cannot steal from God what He declares as His. Hostile takeovers cannot stand against love and its purity...loves tender embrace soothes with the promise of peace. My hope is in the Lord.

The Knowing

You are on the highway and traffic slows to a crawl combined with full on stops. You wonder what is ahead, is there construction, perhaps an accident? You edge your car forward each time the car in front of you does and you wonder, when can we pick up speed, how long will this take? Stupid traffic, so annoying. A sea of cars in front of you on a flat plane prevents you from seeing what is going on. Minutes pass and you have inched toward what looks like a smoking car at the side of the road. Where there is smoke, there is fire, evidence of something gone wrong. No fire trucks, not police cruisers, no ambulance with people rushing about, just smoke coming from a shell of a car. THAT slowed us down? THAT added time to my trip? Everyone in front of you has sped up and now you accelerate, shaking your head, saying to yourself, rubber necker's. The moral of the story is we can't look away, can we Dear Reader? Train and car wrecks fascinate, hold our attention in what could be pure concern or some kind of sick fascination. Humans are impacted by wrecks and the it could be me or someone I love feeling is hard to get past when we witness destruction. There is also relief, when we get to speed away, nary a backward glance knowing someone else has to clean up the mess and we are off the hook. 

Lets switch up the scenario. You have inched your way toward what looks like smoke, rising from a vehicle. Fire, police and ambulance vehicles fill the outside lane of the highway. Bright emergency lights blink and swirl. In your gut there is a sinking feeling because this looks serious. Was someone hurt? What happened? You look, and a stretcher is being raised from its folded position and in your imagination, you hear it click and lock into place. A person occupies the pseudo bed, the stretcher used for transport to hospital. The sinking feeling in your gut is accompanied by a racing heart as horror settles in. There is blood, a still body with an oxygen mask being placed over mouth and nose. Mesmerized, you witness the edge, the life and deathless of our existence. Honk, the car behind you reminds, move forward. You cannot stay here. You want to though, you want to ask, to scream, is he okay, will he be OKAY? Urgency takes over and you want to demand, will he survive and what will become of him? TELL ME TELL ME...another honk. Reluctantly you press the accelerator, moving forward. As you pick up speed, you tell yourself he is in good hands. EMS has responded and you trust that they know what they are doing, they are trained for emergency. Unable to shake the unsettled feeling, you hear a whisper that starts in your heart, "Do not fear." Listening closely, you hear "Offer up your prayers, they are fragrant to me. The one on the stretcher, he is mine. I know what he needs. This is not an emergency for Me, fear not, trust in Me." A quiet comes over you, a calm that you did not think possible. He is in Good Hands, you feel this, know this. In the calm, there is this "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 Trust in Him...

Flies and Spider Webs

Here is some trivia for you. Flies can reach top speeds of 7 kilometres an hour. Imagine buzzing happily along, looking for a stinky and delicious place to land and then WHAM, you hit a soft wall and in the stickiness, you are stopped dead in your airwave tracks! Try as you wiggle with all of your remaining might, you cannot set yourself free. This isn't good, you think to yourself, I feel stuck. You rest for a minute, tapping the air with the one part of you that isn't entangled. What to do, what to do, you wonder. Ok, you think, it can't be THAT bad. I mean seriously, just a minute ago I was full speed ahead. I was about to land on a pile that looked and smelled promising for my afternoon snack. I didn't see this thing I flew into otherwise I would have looped up and away for goodness sakes. I am going to try again. BUZZ, BUZZ, your wings make noise but to no avail. Buzz, buzz, you try again. It seems stickier now, with less room for movement. Buzz, bu...now you can't move and it dawns on you. I am stuck, I mean really, truly, inextricably, irrevocably stuck. Frantically, your eyes dart to and fro, searching as your mind races. What can I do, what is available now, how did this happen and will I ever get out to fly freely again? Panic sets in while immobility becomes reality. The web you are in is the trap that may mean your ruin. Is there no hope? A spider made this trap, this web that has you waiting and wondering what is to become of you. Proverbs 30:28 Spiders can be caught by the hand, yet they are found in kings' palaces. 

Webs await, they catch us sometimes, unaware, unprepared. We fly as fast as we can without care or worry until we are caught, held hopelessly captive and subject to the sinister spider that sucks the life force out of its prey. Have you ever felt trapped Dear One, caught in a web that you didn't know was there until you hit it at top speed? Have you found yourself entangled, searching, struggling for a way out? You are not alone, it is the human condition. Thankfully, we are not flies, doomed to destruction. We are humans and in us, hope springs eternal. Caught in a web is not where we are required to stay, especially when we remember "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1I I have been contemplating faithfulness, not mine, Gods. With all our might, we can fight and struggle, do mortal emotional and spiritual battle but it is God and God alone that can pluck us from the web, save us from the sinister web weaver and life force sucker. Where do you place your faith when the helpless feeling of trapped has you tightly swaddled? Your pain, it is real. My pain, it too, is real...the truth is, God is bigger than all of it and it is to Him I turn. Where will you turn, Dear One? 

Mercy

Mercy means: compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm; an event to be grateful for, because it prevents something unpleasant or provides relief form suffering. What has been your experience with mercy Dear Reader? This question sends me back in time to childhood memories. Do you recall wrestling as a child? When pinned, the underling could say mercy, the rule being that the captor would release their hold. When mercy was asked for, the honour went to the victor for winning the match and for nobly relinquishing their hold on the weaker player in the game. I don't know about you, but it made me frantic to be pinned and when I was released, I felt relief mixed with something akin to resentment, with a desire to retaliate. Upon reflection, I see how uncomfortably vulnerable it is to be pinned down and reliant upon the kindness of another in the form of mercy. In my adulthood, I see how mercy has flowed in my direction. How what I deserved I didn't get. How when I could have been made to pay by someone more powerful than I, they chose to release me instead...for the love of God, for the love of relationship, for the love of dignity and all that is good, mercy is forgiveness rather than a choke hold with strong dominating weak. I could be made to pay, you could be made to pay Dear One but alas, we are given many free passes with the gift of mercy. And what about you? Have you given what you have freely received? Does mercy flow from you? Do you withhold what is deserved in favour of being gracious and noble for the sake of love? You cannot give what you do not believe you have received. We give because we have first received. The beginning of mercy is the knowing, that I, that you, have been set free from paying for the mistakes we have made, the sins we have committed. The next part is the relief for not being punished or harmed, followed closely by the desire to be merciful, compassionate with someone we could crush or hurt in their vulnerable, weakened state. The stunning thing I have learned about mercy is that I didn't know it was there, not really, until I started to plead for it, feeling pinned. Mercy, I cry out mercy, release me...release him, her, them...mercy. 

Words & Meanings

Conveying meaning

Words from thoughts conveying messages

Black ink letters appear on white magically. From keyboard taps to words from thoughts, conveying messages...not perfectly, no where near perfectly. The longing in each of us is to be understood. Can you understand me as you read, do you know what is lodged in my heart?

A soulful union

Hidden in words are meanings and it is much like code, we decipher from feeling. If I move you with words, black markings on white, it is a soulful union we have, you and I. We may not agree, there may be misunderstanding but there is a connection, tangible yet impossible to touch let alone capture, with hands. We move one another, don't we dear reader?

Pain drops us to our knees, sometimes down upon our face

Pain is a great mover, it helps us attempt to describe what feels so real that it hurts. Pain drops us to our knees, sometimes down upon our face because we do not know what to do with it. It does not go away with thinking, hoping, waiting, wishing-it becomes captor, holding us hostage. It is pain that drives us to seek relief, answers, solution, something to do to make everything return to right again.

Asking for help out of vulnerable need is learned

Can you feel me while you read these strange black markings on white dear reader? Do you understand my pain because you too have felt its grip? Suffering in silence, solo wound licking, this I have done. Asking for help out of vulnerable need, this I have learned. Trusting that others feel what I feel, have experienced what I am going through brings some strange solace. It is in the understanding and being understood that hearts meet and meld, yielding to the compassion we feel for others who are walking the same path or have in their past.

Here and now I have a quiet

My words, they are imperfect, sometimes they hide thinly veiled anger, my disappointment and hurt when injustice reins and humans suffer. Sometimes my joy is so abundant that it is uncontainable, it spills from me unstoppable... how to express this perfectly would be wonderful and yet, I have not the words. Here and now, I have a quiet, a still. I have written and in the writing, a part of me has been transposed, fixed in time and space. I'm right here for right now and somehow, this is going to have to be okay.

Thanks for reading this-it is your gift to me and I am grateful. 

Suicide

I am of the firm belief that we are all, bullshit detectors. We can hear, see, and intuit, lies. What we do with the lies once we have detected them is fascinating AND telling in regards to our own inner workings and the perspectives we cling to. Making sense of ourselves, others and what we experience in the world is necessary for sanity and to carry on with life. When "things" stop making sense, it is easy to get lost in the fray. Like tiny boats, tethered to land, wanting to pull away from shore and experience the glorious rhythm of wave after wave, we are tied to an unnatural spasmodic subjective reality. This reality is created, implemented, and strangely accepted as truth to be swallowed whole. This morning, I was hit rather hard with the lies we hear, the lies we tell ourselves, the lies we turn into odd truth. I will let you in now, to what is troubling my spirit. Today, in my city, there will be held a celebration of life service for a woman that killed herself. She murdered her own body, stole from it the breath of life. She destroyed what was not hers to take and violated sanctity. This is not noble, it is not kind or good, nor is it "better for her now." I am struck by the word celebrate, as though this is possible given the violent and vile sentiment that suicide dredges up in those who will say a final unfinished and permanent good-bye to the dead. Celebrate is a lie. She did not finish and win a medal. She cannot be told, well done, good and faithful servant. She trusted no one and believed in nothing, evidenced by her belief that death was far more appealing then carrying on, living loving and serving others. She is now in the useless pile of nothingness because what she was sent to earth to complete, she left undone. Celebrate what, I ask? Grief is real, it is not a lie. Grief is like death itself and feels like soul devastation. How do we recover from the death of a loved one, stolen from the earth through sickness or the ravages of age? This type of grief is difficult enough and feels irreconcilable when we are in the throws of suffering such loss. We all die and leave behind those who wish for another day, another memory created, another moment of embrace...suicide though, Dear One, suicide is not a thief in the night. Suicide is a marauding murderer that turns hate filled eyes inward, points its weapon at not a victim but a willing participant in death and there is no turning back once the crime against self has been committed. I am hard pressed to imagine celebration of a life stamped incomplete. The polite lie covers a nasty truth and my heart felt hope is that someone speaks the truth, that suicide is the cruelest violation of life and dignity has been corrupted. Thinking of killing yourself, Dear Reader? I beg of you, do not do such a thing. You are precious, created in the image of God Almighty. He has a plan for you and despite your despair, things can, will and do get better when you trust in Him. Plus, we want you here, we need you here, we are not done with you Dear One... 

Forbearance

Forbearance is defined as 1. the act of forbearing; a refraining from something 2. forbearing conduct or quality; patient endurance; self-control. What are you patiently enduring at this time of your life, Dear Reader? There is something wonderful about forbearing. It is a way of holding ourselves, conducting ourselves for the sake of what is to be. There is a romanticism in the forbearance, a mystical belief that in the current suffering or enduring of what is, something beyond hope and imagination will become. The stuff of dreams comes from forbearance, does it not Dear One? When looked at from a practical standpoint, we can view this as students, studying life and all of its materials with the end goal being mastery of all the learning. To assimilate the lessons, integrate them and make them a part of who we are is the hoped for outcome. As I am beating around this philosophical bush, I realize that I must come to a point. There is the big picture, the grand scheme, the visionary view and the act of forbearing requires that at all costs, we keep our eyes on the prize. You want an example, Dear One? Look here, listen now. As Christians, you already know what you must endure patiently in an unbelieving, God denying, Jesus rejecting world. You suffer the ignorance of being called a fool, being attacked for your naïveté, your convenient belief in a God that doesn't exist because of your fears of facing the truth. You are told that you crawled out of a primordial soup, a goop that created itself magically and for the sake of Christ, you endure the mockery, the slags, the unbelief and the attacks on your intelligence. This is not about a woes me pity party for your suffrage, Dear One, that is not my driving point. Look here, listen again. This is about Jesus Christ and His modelling for us the forbearance required to turn hearts toward heaven. This is about loving your neighbour, brother, sister, children, husband, wife, friend in the way Christ did, despite their unbelief because in the grand scheme, they may one day be with you in heaven as a result of your earthly example of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. We are to be grace filled, God inspired in our hopes for the salvation of others, never a stumbling block, but a Holy Witness. You may or may not be evolved in your maturing as a patient, enduring, self-controlled believer. You may still be offended often, self conscious about what the world thinks and believes about you. This is okay and at the same time, you are well on your way Dear One, to the evolution of your spirit and union with the Holy Spirit. For the sake of the kingdom, we must forbear. The stakes are too high not to.