What Was That You Said?

Sorry, I can't hear you, I ate ice cream, oh, and had milk in my coffee! 

My knowing has been with me for most of my adult years; I am painfully aware of how dairy anything, and everything, clogs up my sinuses, giving me a stuffed-full-with-cotton feeling in my head, itchy ears, and a concomitant dullness in my thinking processes. Sugar does me wrong in a number of ways too, but it isn't nearly as rude to me as delicious iced cream, coffee cream, yogurt, cottage cheese, cheese of any and all varieties... in other words, delicious cow milk products make me unwell in my head. 

It starts with a stuffy nose, shortly after consumption. I get congested, and when in company, it becomes obvious to others that something weird, and not wonderful, is happening. Before you think I am looking for sympathy, I tell you, I am not! 

Sure, I love me some ice cream, and cheese is such a lovely taste bud satisfying substance, but these things do not like me, and I am well aware. I have tried to befriend dairy, and pretend we can have an amicable relationship, and that a little bit of indulgence won't hurt me, but alas, these lies have lost all of their short legs, and I am left with the harsh reality, that I just can't be cheesy with my choices! Back to looking for sympathy... I have too good a life to feel too great a loss over such a simple thing, that I can easily refrain from ingesting. 

Confession time - I do periodically indulge in dairy, like an idiot that chooses poison, chooses headaches, and dullness, when in full strength and health. When I say things like, Pardon, I can't hear you, everyone in my life knows I have done the deed, by committing the crime of self-harm with my food choices, and they in turn suffer the results of my self-induced deafness, when they have to repeat themselves, or cover their ears because my voice is raised when speaking. I am giggling a little at the scenario I describe, having lived it repeatedly. It used to be that people would make curative suggestions in attempts to heal my impairments, but now they just ask, What did you eat? 

Sounds so silly, doesn't it, dear reader? You may be rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself, Just don't eat dairy dumb-dumb! And wouldn't you know it, I would agree with you whole-heartedly and say similar things to someone in the same situation, but you and I both know, how very attached, stubborn, and full on stupid we can be, when we want what we want, when and how, we want it. 

Human nature is naturally self-indulgent. Self-discipline is a learned ability, and the moral of the story is this: While we walk the earth in these earthen ware God crafted vessels known as bodies, we will not only be tempted, but we will often, and to our detriment, indulge ourselves, when saying No would work better for us in the long run. Sometimes, we behave in an asinine fashion, despite our intelligence! 

Today I was talking to a sweet friend and while we were sharing, my left ear allowed in a little extra sound, delighting me. Dear one, we don't know what we are missing until we become more sensitive to what is happening all around us. In my self-indulgence via not-good-for-me food choices, I enfeeble my abilities to be attentive to God, and my fellow man. When I can't hear, I notice less, pick-up fewer cues, and have to retrace steps in an attempt to retrieve what was said the first time around. I focus less on what is immediately in front of me when the dullness incapacitates, and I have often wondered, if this is my way of not wanting to hear, not wanting to be available, not wanting to have to notice - in other words, my way of checking out. 

If you and I know what the effects will be on us shortly after we do what we know is harmful, then we must ask ourselves, 

Why am I doing this? and; 

What am I trying to get out of? if getting out of a situation is the unspoken, underlying intention. 

I recall an occasion when my former husband and I had been invited to a birthday party. As the day grew long, I still hadn't started the process of getting ready for the event. I was lounging on the couch, and when he asked me, Aren't you getting ready? I responded, Ya, and started to get up, when my lower back screamed at me with a shooting pain. He witnessed what I am describing to you now, and looking me in the eye, he stated, You don't have to go to the party. Sweet relief to my ears and mind, You don't have to go to the party. As he made his way upstairs, I sat back down on the couch. To my surprise, the pain in my back left as quickly as it had arrived. Here one moment, gone the next: psychosomatic or perfect timing?

Dear reader, there are things you don't have to do, that may feel obligatory. There are people you don't have to see or spend time with, that you may feel need you or want you, but that you are not, beholden to. There are places you could go, conversations you could have, but none of them are must do's or have to's. You don't have to make yourself sick to eliminate foisted upon you impositions that you have a hard time saying no to... 

What was that you said? I don't have to?

Yes, that is correct, there are lots of things you do not have to do and;  You must do the work of distinguishing what your real life obligations are, when compared to what you sense are guilty feeling imposters, that will steal your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. 

Lastly, and with this, we will end our time together, you are entitled to sort through your thoughts and feelings as they relate to the people in your life and the situations you find yourself in. You have the right to exercise your Yes and No powers of decision making. You don't have to make yourself sick to get out of imposed or perceived responsibility. 

You always, get to choose. That is the gift, of freedom of will.