To not care, to be detached and disabled from being disturbed by, or inclined toward, interacting with someone, is a sign of complete and utter... freedom, from the ties and holds and used to be's of another. Freedom, from a grip they had, that is no longer.
I think of the abuse cycle and the honeymoon phase. Abusers blanket blame their victims, and when the victim reproaches the abuser by standing up for themselves, the abuser resorts to insinuating it was the victims fault in the first place, and that while the victim "asked for it", the villain will try their best to not meed out punishment earned. The villain has been here before, with the old trick of bait and switch, and in the victims weakened state, they want to win over the approval of the haranguer and alas, they agree once again, to forget what has gone before. A fresh start... Or a sad and sick repeat of a repeat?
Patterns are immensely helpful. It behooves us to discover our own auto-pilot unconscious patterns, in order to break them, and remake new ones that are helpful and healthy, for us. We can, I am sure you have heard repeatedly, only change ourselves, and when someone pretends to promise change in order to re-initiate their own sick and perverse patterns, it is vitally important for the new you, to recognize their well worn and travelled tracks, and make new ones for yourself. In other words, don't fall in line once again, thinking somehow this time will be different, because the sicko in your life suggests, without committing, that it will be so.
I have had people in my life that I wish I had never met: some were completely unavoidable, but that does not mean I am without choices. Relationship is always chosen: does this sound accusatory to you, dear reader? For instance, if a man or woman suffers emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, or physically, at the hands of someone they are in relationship with, is it their choosing, and therefore their fault when they are mistreated?
How do you, answer this question?
I knew a woman that left her violent husband. She stated once, He said he is going to kill me. He did, he shot her dead on the front lawn of her house, and then shot himself, leaving their two children orphaned. What say you? Did she do the right thing leaving him? even though in the end, he stole her life, and left their offspring bereft and brutalized in the aftermath, of homicide and self-murder. She could not live with him, and he made sure she would not live without him. This case is the extreme, and chances are high that you and I are dealing with different, and perhaps petty crime, kinds of criminally minded creeps.
Here is my driving point: We either complain, or we do something about the situations we find ourselves in. There comes a point in time when the mistreated, decide they will care more about their own well-being, their own important goals and mission in life, than subsisting and constantly trying to navigate a sicko that could care less about others, because they lack empathy, feel no pain for the suffering one, and do nothing to alleviate the burdens they impose so casually, so caustically, so so... criminally! I use this word often in this writing because it is criminal to be mistreated by another, and dear reader, if I am describing what you have experienced, or you are currently experiencing, you get to choose to not care anymore about the thoughts, feelings, and fate, of the one that mistreats maliciously.
What, is a fate, worse than hate for the wrongdoer?
It is this: No one cares for them anymore... no one wants to hear them, see them, relate to them... caring is killed and with a spin of the table, they become the ones that act like victims, and wonder how others can be so so very cruel to them...
What a twisted world we live in, dear one. Walking the straight path is a choice. Being honest and sincere is a choice. Wanting the best for others and living with integrity are choices. And breaking free from a brutalizer is a choice.
The woman I mentioned earlier was a brave soul. She would not cower in her home, afraid of a murderous husband. People that utter threats must be taken seriously, and unfortunately, this man did what he said he would do, because he just could not stand her freedom. Isn't this a horrifying thought, dear one? Some people cannot stand your freedom, and they work hard to steal it from you. Let this idea sink in, and act as a warning for you, when next, your patterned oppressor, attempts to malign and manipulate you, into being their little play thing puppet.
The villain will not change, dear one, but it is a must, that you do some things differently, otherwise, you will suffer the regret of letting someone else manage your inner world, all of your live long, or short, life.
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