The sun was out, and I took this cue and headed to the backyard for my morning reading. I am studying Acts, and savouring Matthew Henry's Commentary on the early church. Today I read about short in stature, tall in terror, Saul, the enraged persecutor heading to Damascus on business. His job was to hunt for and then haul out the people of The Way, those that professed Christ as Saviour, take them to Jerusalem for trial as blasphemers, and have them executed. The Light, The Voice, from heaven, asked Saul a question ... I ask my own, But why? Why are you doing such things?
As I read, the sun hid behind man manufactured clouds. Once again I fell into a despair that has gripped me for days, and I suggested as a plaintive to God, It is your sky, your sun, and your creation ... Can you please dissipate those pesky poisonous manipulative clouds and give us bright light for the day? I hadn't a clue that my mind had been shadowed by darkness, that I had been accusatory and critical of God for allowing the wicked to do so much damage to those that cannot protect themselves from harm. In my meanness, I asked God to help me pray differently, knowing I was stuck in a groove, and that I was out of tune with his resounding and resolute voice. I prayed the Lord's prayer, and while I showered (perhaps a fresh baptism for my mired in muck soul?), newness came over me.
Jesus is the Light, the Son ... he commands the shadows to leave and casts brilliance into the darkness, and I am to pray for him to shine brightly in the minds, hearts, and souls, of those that know not what they have done. Jesus is the Light of the world, but I merely wanted the sun's rays in my resentment.
John 1:5-9
And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of the Light. That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.
I write, convicted of my sin, but praise be to God, I am not condemned by it; rather, I have been redeemed from my small minded and mealy mouthed complaining, and have been reconciled once again, to our all powerful, all knowing, God.
My brief story epilogue ends thusly: Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven.
Perhaps you have your own conscious needing some convicting ... ask God to shine light on your sin, and be prepared with tissues at hand, to sop up the sorry mess that flows from eyes and nose when you recognize what a rebellious, bossy, snot nosed ingrate you have been.
May God richly bless you with a faith that surpasses all understanding, through Christ our Lord, Amen.
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