Me Wallet

Sometimes I like to take on a pirate persona, just for fun, so bear with me as I playfully engage my goofy side in the telling of this tale. 

Yesterday me girlfriend Janice and I were having a marvellous discussion about God's providential care for me little family of three, me Mom, me son Matthew, the duo I refer to as M & M, and me. We were heading toward me car after shopping in Costco; once we had reached my vehicle, we put our purchases in the boot (that's what the English call the trunk of the car), and then into our seats we went to zoom off to our next destination, Janice's home. We had gotten as far as the first set of lights exiting the place, when me phone went off: Did you lose your wallet at Costco?, me son asked. Did Costco say I lost me wallet there? I respond. Yes, go to Customer Service, he says. So I did. 

Now, dear reader, I will drop the pirate goofiness, in the hopes that you picked up the use of me, and use it yourself to periodically break tension and give yourself permission to not take yourself or life, too seriously, since after all, God is good, merciful, kind, generous, gracious, and the keeper of wallets and what is in them, when we have no clue that our wallet is missing. God truly goes before us, is our rear guard, and with parental protectiveness, periodically lets us know that he is the God of the lost, and found. 

Leaving my friend in the car, I breeze my way into Costco, headed for Customer Service. A woman behind the counter is helping a customer; she lifts her gaze from the keyboard in acknowledgement, looks me in the eye, and says, Linda? I respond, Yes, gold wallet (it is gold on the outside). I locked up your wallet in there, she says, as she waves toward the secure room that contains all things mysterious. I wait, as she finishes typing, and watch, as she goes to the room to get what customer number one is waiting for, and retrieves what belongs to me, customer number two. In one fell swoop, this wonderful lady served two people to our satisfaction. As she handed me the wallet, I asked, Do you know who turned it in? She replied, No, it was cold though, so it must have been outside. A customer gave it to a staff, the staff handed it in to me ...

I looked inside the wallet, and counted the money there. I am embarrassed to say that I had no clue how much money was in there ... $190. My Costco Mastercard, drivers license, health card, CAA card, were all in the wallet. This wallet went through three sets of hands, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the speed at which it was returned to me, in tact, nothing missing. Do I dare tell you, at the risk of sounding nonchalant with me money and property, that on a recent trip, I had put my Costco card in a side pocket of my workout pants, it slipped out, and when I noticed, and went to Customer Service, it had already been turned in? 

Long ago, $500 had been withdrawn from my bank account. I prayed all day in faith that the money would be restored, and that night, I got a call from the people that had taken the money. They gave it back, much to the surprise of my family: my father and former husband had insisted I just forget about that money, telling me it would never be returned, despite my faithful prayers. But they didn't know the God of The Bible, the One I prayed to and trusted in as my Provider. They didn't know that material things are gifts from God, all is his, and he hears our prayers, what we need, what we cry out for when all seems to be lost to us. 

Money is stuff and nonsense, faith is substance and essence. I look to God for soulful provision, for the filling up of my spirit, and he has provided for me and my family in ways I cannot count, that exceed mere monetary value. Back when the $500 was returned to me, my faith in humanity was bolstered, and I wrote about the experience to The Free Press, and they published the story. Today, with the sun shining into my front room, I am feeling the delight of a restoration of my faith in the kindness of strangers, and by God, I hope by some stroke of God's grace, the three that touched and handed off my wallet to me, see this tribute to them, and feel a sense of goodness and pride in their souls for doing right by me, someone they do not know and will probably never meet. 

I needed this experience, dear reader. I needed to see the bright side in a darkening world. I needed to be able to trust again, and not be wary or weary in a strained and drained of colour world. I weep in gratitude, and am reminded that God is ever present, created man in his image, and when we live with love in our hearts for our neighbours, wallets are returned without removing the contents, so that faith can flourish and the family of God can be added to, one member at a time: each soul counts and matters to God. 

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13)

NOTE: Please recall that I had been sharing with my girlfriend Janice, how God has provided for my little family. On the heels of this discussion, the wallet was "lost" and almost immediately, "found", and I cannot help but think God really wants us to trust in him for all things material and spiritual, including of course the souls of those we love deeply. God is GOOD, and works in and amongst us, and sometimes, we see his hand in the hands of the invisible ones that have helped us along The Way. May God richly bless you as you take strides to live and love his will for you. 

Guardian Angels for Perpetrators

I am terrified, dear reader, of being a hypocrite. The one thing that frightens me the most, is being lied to, believing lies, and propagating them. If I lie, or you do, and we are associated, I fear the guilt that taunts and haunts and torments my soul. 

Covid was the greatest lie told in my lifetime (I cannot speak for you, but perhaps you can think for a moment and ask yourself, What is the greatest lie I have ever heard, and or told?) The horror of covid grips and squeezes hearts, blocks arteries, forms cancers and clots, blinds eyes, blocks insulin, and so much more. Covid rips family and friends apart, and is sending people early to the grave; the clean-up for this chaos induced catastrophe is impossible and never ending. 

There is no such this as post traumatic stress disorder for covid, because the trauma hasn't stopped. People promote, vote for, and protect killers, and the injections continue to be offered and administered, like candy dispensed from a giant gum ball machine - Get your head of lettuce at your local grocery store and when you are passing the pharmacy, stop by for your covid poison shot too: it is that easy guys and gals. 

If it hasn't happened to you yet, if by some miracle you have escaped knowing someone that is suffering and dying from the effects of the poison that has been administered to approximately 80% of the population world-wide, then you are fortunate, and perhaps you think me silly and self-indulgent, as I belly-ache about loss and suffering, death, burial, cremation, grieving and sorrow. Perhaps you think me a pessimist that just doesn't want to "get over it", and that I am selfishly absorbed with macabre topics that ought to be relegated to the annals of history at this point. Wait, just wait then, because it is only a matter of time before you are the driver for a sick loved one that needs "medical care". Good Lord help us, the administers of poison are the people that we run to for "treatment" when the body fails ... but it wasn't the body that failed us all in the beginning of this fiasco, it was logical, deductive reasoning. 

I said us all, in the sentence above. Forgive me if I sound condescending and arrogant in my assertion, that I did not fall for the fiasco, I did not believe for one moment what was being sold and bought as the cheapest shell game bait and switch carnival trick going. I saw the murderers lying up their ducks, taking aim and firing, and en masse, masks became part of the fabric of faces all over the world. Sick, it is sickening, it speaks of soul sickness and is nausea inducing to see a sea of blue cloth coverings ... the image is burned into my memory and so are the words that I wanted to shout, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MINDS?! The worst was yet to come, after those damnable things on strings that continue to linger, clinging to breathless people that believe they are protecting themselves from you and me ... they don't know that they are killing themselves, and their fear is misplaced. 

Logical, deductive reasoning, is the cognitive function that I see as missing in action. Either it was never taught, never learned, never offered, never considered, or, OR, dear reader, it was shoved out of the way as inconvenient and inconsequential, a useless old timer way of thinking that no longer suits a society that prefers self and other deception. Here is how things ought to work, when people are thinking past now into consequential results after thought becomes action: If this, then that ... If I do this, then that might or probably will, happen: i.e. If I drink a bottle of wine in the hour just before retiring for the night, chances are good that I will slur my words, feel off balance, not be able to see straight, have a restless night, and wake up with a doozy of a headache and an accompanying upset stomach. Makes logical, deductive reasoning sense, does it not? Now, stay with me, and be prepared for a punch to the gut, because I want to be very clear and have you get my meaning.

If you, dear reader, voted for any of the politicians that currently hold office, that are pro abortion, pro promotion of gay rights, pro "vaccines", otherwise known as clot shots and poison injections, and you actually believe that somehow they are trust worthy and will have yours and your families best interests in mind when they make decisions that impact the people they govern, then you have LOST YOUR MIND: You are an accomplice, and I call you guilty by association. You cannot be duplicitous and get away with it, dear reader, none of us can. To be a hypocrite is to be the worst of offenders; it belies what is in the heart to say one thing and do another ... it does not bode well for the soul or for society. 

If a politician approves the killing of babies, what makes you think he or she will protect you? If a politician surrounds him or herself with homosexuals and vaccine pushers, what makes you think they will do right by you, your children, or your grandchildren? Where is your deductive reasoning? Did you lose it along the covid way, as you walked away from The Way, The Truth, and The Life? You cannot have the world and Jesus too, that is incongruent. You cannot protect killers and then be surprised later at their viciousness. That means you are blind and the mask has moved over your eyes. 

As the wicked align and maliciously demean, debase, and debauch humanity, mocking all the way, as servants of the evil one, they continue to aim at the sitting ducks they want to take to hell with them, namely those that belong to Christ. How better to take them to hell, then to have people that profess Jesus as their Saviour, acting as guardian angels for perpetrators? This is treacherous, traitorous behaviour for anyone that truly knows Jesus. To suggest that those that go against God's word, can somehow redeem a sick and dying world, and restore it to some semblance of decency, is to deny what scripture reveals about Jesus Christ as the Saviour who died for the sins of the world. 

Let us not be deceived, dear one. The enemy of our souls roams and looks for a place in the mind, the heart, the soul, in homes. He wants us to say one thing and do another, and clearly, I am desperately trying to save anyone reading this from perpetually lying to self and other. Dear reader, you cannot promote, support, encourage anti-christ characters, and expect that the blood will not splatter onto you ... that, is not logical or deductive in reasoning. 

I John 3:7-8

Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. 

I'm Waiting, Hello?

I had an exceptional client years ago. Our training relationship spanned seven or eight years. She was reliable, conscienous, thoughtful, generous, and wise. She said things that have stuck with me, one saying was: There is no excuse for bad behaviour. I liked that, and I use the phrase often, when I learn that someone is being mistreated and accepting the mistreatment. We really do, train people on how to handle, mishandle, treat, mistreat us. 

Today I had an appointment with a hairdresser. For the second time, I waited for her to mix colour in the backroom. The first time, I grew impatient, because I could hear her talking to a colleague in hushed tones. I thought about leaving, after having waited so long, but instead, I rose from the chair, stuck my head through the open doorway, and said, Excuse me for interrupting you, but I need to have my hair done, I have company visiting from Alberta. The hairdresser had her butt up against the counter, mixing bowl in one hand, stirring brush in the other, poised in the air ... her colleague was facing her, and had her back to the door, they looked cozy in the sharing stance and I startled them a bit. The hairdresser immediately came out, and was pleasant, and I thought, she won't do that again, but she did, today, just this morning. 

Last time I had my hair done, I stated, You are the quietest hairdresser I have ever met. She replied that talking to clients too much can put her behind schedule. I just thought she hated me and that's why she didn't talk much, but I think she hates clients in general, because I learned she doesn't waste her breath on talking to any of them ... but she and her colleagues, talk a lot, smile at one another a lot, and I observed, the other ladies that work in the shop, barely speak to their clients either. That's a secret code, dear reader, that speaks volumes of disdain. They want money, but don't care one bit for the people they service. 

Are you curious about how I handled the situation I found myself in this morning, while I heard her whispering to someone for ten minutes? What would you have done, dear one? How do you handle yourself when someone behaves badly at your time, energy, money expense?

I will tell you what I did ... I recalled the wise words that when accessed, speak instruction to those that are being dismissed without reason: There is no excuse for bad behaviour. I got up from that chair, grabbed my belongings, and went out the door. I suspect it surprised the hairdresser when she finally decided to exit the backroom to provide service to a waiting client, to discover she no longer had said client. She sent me a message, at the twenty minute mark from the start of our appointment, and I shared my perspective and experience of unnecessarily waiting for her while she spoke to someone in the backroom. Her response was weak and she lied, suggesting it was a brief call from a colleague, and some other nonsense, but dear reader, I can tell time and heard her voice, while I waited, and waited, and waited ... 

I have made errs as a trainer, as a coach, as a daughter, sister, friend, human being! but I always feel very badly when I have misspoken, or misstepped, because I truly do not want to injure anyone and I always want to make amends. Not so with some, with so many in fact. Blaming someone for something I have done means I believe there is an excuse for bad behaviour, and I know, there really is no good excuse to treat anyone with disregard. This hairdresser either hates herself, her life, her work, or just the clients that sit in her chair, held hostage waiting, because they need a service done and don't want to be "impolite" by asking the service provider to hurry the heck up. That is on her, and I, for one, refuse to accept or excuse, bad behaviour. 

I will tell you this; I have left conversations that were one sided, without a backward glance. I have stated, I am bored, when in a group of people, one person makes a show of themselves, never displaying any interest in others and simply, wanting to be in a perpetual spot light ... I have walked out of restaurants after being seated when the wait staff choose not to say hello, or acknowledge me and whomever I am with. I am not a prima donna, or someone that demands attention, in fact I prefer not having too much attention, but, I do so enjoy courtesy, customer service, kindness, and accountability when someone needs to say, That was on me, I am so sorry. I like the expression, Don't ruin a perfectly good apology with an excuse, and I will keep my standards high, not making excuses for myself or anyone else, because we must have high standards, dear reader, otherwise we become slaves to the ugly inelegance that mars the human race.

Stuck Squeaky Toys

Lips, tongue, cheeks, throat, and every part that follows downward from there, burn, when drano is ingested. A friend of mine reminded me just last night, what can happen to a person when poison is taken into the body ... it burns, doing damage that can result in death. 

Tasting social media has felt like a burn to me of the more insidious variety, compared to the immediate reaction one would surely have if they dropped drano on their tongue. At least there are warning labels on drain chemicals that clear clogs ... social media causes clogging of the thoughts, chokes up discernment, and prevents the effected from freely observing without having a visceral reaction. 

There is a ping-pong match being played, and most of us are the viewing audience members, that occasionally get up to retrieve a wayward ball, only to place it back in the court of the one we think is worthy of a win. The silly truth is, you and I are the light as air balls being volleyed, tapped to table top corners, then smashed hard from side to side, to prove a point: and the point is, it is the fool that plays the pawn, or table tennis ball in this scenario, in a game with no competitors. When both sides pretend to play to win, but in fact are on the same team, and all is even-steven for them during game play, then the witless, clueless ones in the audience end up being the big duped losers. 

A lot has been said and written about psychological operations, short formed to psyop, and that is precisely what I am going on about here, in this brief piece of writing. I will tell you what the game play is truly about, dear reader. There are two sides, and you are on one or the other. There is the Truth Team that belongs to Jesus Christ, and he is known as The Way, The Truth, and The Life. There is another team, and only one other, and they are Dem Dare Liars, and they are members under the headship of the dark one, known as the father of lies, a marauding murderer under the title of Satan. We pledge our allegiance to one team or another, and sometimes a person like you and me, might get caught being somewhat duplicitous and confused, forgetting that this game is being played for keeps, meaning souls are the booty being bet on, and many a soul will be lost for want of having chosen to stay on the righteous side of the court. 

Satan hates God's children, and blood lust drives him to get his team aboard in the killing. All the posing and posturing of the players belies their inner workings. They are the foot soldiers of the damned one, and the goal is to take as many down to the pit with them as is possible in their lifetime, which is short, very short: each human has a limited time to live their life purpose, and this is why there is a frenzy and feverishness to their actions ... they know their time is short and that our time is too; signs are all around us that we are marching en masse to the completion of our time as humans walking the earth. Soon enough planet earth will be rolled up like a scroll, and well, some are just gonna fall right off it when that happens, into a very deep, dark, godless pit of terror. 

I don't want to be a pawn, or a ping-pong ball being batted back and forth across a low net. I don't want to be battered and bruised with the pushing and shoving of the enemy that wants me to feel as though they are the ones calling the shots and they have all the power to make my life good, miserable, or otherwise. They lie, and I don't buy or believe what they spew. God must be magnified, and when he is magnified in our thoughts, our prayers, and then our actions, the little pea-ons that have the microphones in their faces day and night, sound like squeaky toys stuck on a broken note. 

No one likes a squeaky toy for very long. Give one to a dog and he will manage to chew the thing up until it no longer makes a sound. I think the stuck and broken note of the toys is raucous to the ears that listen for the sound of their Father's voice, and want only to please him. We are living to see this scripture come to life:

He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still (Revelation 22:11)

Our work, if we call ourselves Christians, is to believe in Jesus and live our mission as ambassadors of reconciliation between the lost and God. I do not put my trust in mealy mouthed double speak men and women of this world: that, dear reader, is foolhardy, anti Biblical, and a dangerous endeavour that may result in burning. 

NOTE: I realize I used many a metaphor in this writing: maybe you can come up with your own to describe what you see. Don't leave me to do all the work over here! And please, no political jostling, I don't give a damn about the demon infested ones that feign caring, they are the squeaky toys that hurt my ears. 

Sinful Snowflakes

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible, quote attributed to Stanislaw Jerzy Lec. 

If you were to create your own version of this statement, what would it be? I have taken the concept and done a rework on it, that goes like this: 

The avalanche of sin is wiping out entire families, one member at a time, Linda Grace Byers.

Cumulative sin, that seemingly no one is responsible for, can somehow bury anyone in its path of destruction. I think of the warning to be quiet for fear of avalanche, but is there a similar warning, to be careful, for fear of the soul being devastated by an avalanche of sin?

Are you a sinful snowflake, dear reader? If so, is it reasonable to consider that you are responsible, just like all the other sinful snowflakes, for the rampant and ruthless destruction of our global society? Sin is insidious, meaning it proceeds gradually, in a subtle way, but with harmful effects. When snow is gently falling for an hour, it may end up looking like a sprinkle of pretty powdered sugar, but when it comes down as white wind slanted sheets, the accumulation makes for hard work to get out of, and treacherous travelling if one dares brave the storm. Innocently, the snowflake does the bidding of the snow maker ... sin isn't so innocent, and is attributed to the one that does wrong. Sin is injurious to innocency. 

When I think about how much effort goes into being irresponsible followed by the effort of making excuses to release a person from being held accountable, it is staggering. What do you call excuses, dear reader? I call excuses lies ... I am that confident on the subject. 

I have heard people excuse so much, I just shake my head now, because I have given up trying to convince the un-convincible, and believe me when I tell you I have spent an inordinate amount of time, in my attempts to bring alignment to relationship. Some people can't handle the truth (see Jack Nicholson shouting near by), not because they aren't able, because God will enable us with strength when we need it the most and when we face what horrifies the soul, but because they prefer a pretty snow job over reality. They can't see the forest for the trees, and they can't anticipate an avalanche for all those singular snowflakes. Shrug, it's the way of the world, ain't it? (imagine a country bumpkin accent here). NOTE: I use a backward country accent to accentuate, a back slidden society that hasn't a clue what fresh hell we are sliding into. 

Some people actually believe that they will be plucked from the earth without seeing tribulation, but I say, we have entered that end zone already, and why not pay some of the price for our contributions to our very own downfall, by witnessing atrocities that are already being committed? A quick trip into your local hospital will give you a glimpse of what I am talking about ... observe for yourself and come to your own conclusions. For your information, just because you have yet to experience the imposition of someone else's will on your personhood, does not mean it won't happen to you soon enough ... it is just, a matter, of time. Tribulation is ordered up and on its way, despite the fear the thought instills in so many that would love to believe they will have a convenient escape and not be made to say, perhaps at laser/taser gun point, Christ is my King. Will you betray him if your life or someone else's you love, is threatened? Decide now, dear one, because if I am correct in my assessment, Christians will be persecuted during tribulation, or the end times. 

So, snowflake ... got any sins you wanna confess, sins ur needin' to be responsible and accountable fer? I'll bet you do, cuz there ain't no one walkin' the earth that don't. 

Anyhow, Happy New Year? 2025 is a beautiful looking number, isn't it? Let us see whom it is amongst us that will bravely face what is in store for all collectively; and who will drop to their knees in pleading prayer, for the souls that need to be redeemed, for Christ's sake. May you know the Lord as your King, in Jesus name. 

For there shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be. And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved; but for the elect's sake those days shall be shortened (Matthew 24:12-22)

The days of tribulation will be shortened, and if you read this scripture with discernment, you will see the times are shortened for the sake of the elect, those that are marked for salvation, because it is going to be so horrid in the world, that we will not be able to stand it, or the demonic pressure. God is just, and gives us relief when we need it the most; we are not promised to be yanked from the world, but we are promised God's powerful protection against evil while in it. Let us trust wholeheartedly in him.

I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil (John 17:15)

I will not argue with Jesus regarding this prayer to his Father. I will take the prayer at face value, because Jesus never lies and his prayers are always answered.

The Fog

Romans 8:22

For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. 

The highway is wet and the windshield wipers swipe, then a moment later swipe again; the mist is light and despite the dullness, I can see in all directions and into the distance, until I can't. We drive into a strange fog, thick like a blanket and wispy as smoke as the car cuts through it ... is it smoke? Are we driving toward fire? Sniff sniff, the air has a slight scent of burning, but too mild to suggest we make alternate plans. Besides, if we are indeed, driving toward fire, there isn't a turn off anywhere nearby, and stopping, or going forward, are our only options. NOTE: In the fog, my phone stopped picking up navigation signals. It is a very good thing that I knew where I was going. And the metaphor thickens ... 

I left the fog behind and all thoughts of it until this evening when a friend of mine asked, Is it foggy there? He is in Nova Scotia, I live in Ontario ... His words: It's world wide apparently. Nobody knows what it is but it has a weird taste and smell in places. And it's lasting longer than it should. The fog in his area has not lifted in three days and from a brief search, I see this is true in other places too: three days thus far, of fog.

When I looked at internet photos of fog gone wild, it occurred to me that death is in the air, whispering its way in and out of cars as people enter and exit, snaking its way along highways and byways, wafting in through sliding doors and creeping up stairwells, then sneaking into offices and hospital rooms, malls and manufacturing buildings. Death is setting in and as the living drive through it, we pick-up the nose scrunching aroma, and wonder if our senses betray us, or can be trusted? 

Candour is my warfare weaponry. I see and say, identifying the darkness. I am more than capable of joy, of laughter, of playfulness. I can banter and joke, and I am inclined to look for fun ways of interacting ... and candour is my warfare weaponry, because now is not the time to pretend that what is clearly abnormal, ought to be explained away, ignored, and blown at as a bit o fluff that is in the way of our faces. 

And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the midst of Egypt: And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts. And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as there was none like it, nor shall be like it any more (Exodus 11:4-6)

For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the LORD shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee (Isaiah 60:2)

Eery is the word to describe the sickness and suffering and death. Death is a constant companion, and it keeps tapping people on the shoulder before stating unwaveringly, It's time, and then commandingly demanding, Come with me. You and I are going this way and that and at every turn, we hear it, we sense and smell it, and the fog lingers and hangs in the air as a reminder that death is ever present, inescapable, and is attaching itself to the wayward and lost that haven't a clue it is there; or those that dismiss it if they happen to notice. 

We are living Biblical prophecies. I do not need to make anything extraordinary up to prove my hyper Christian point ... I don't exaggerate to establish my stance as valid. I see, I say, I notice, and I can't help but suggest, that we all take what is happening very seriously, because souls are in peril and if people die without facing the facts, they will not be going to eternal peace with their Creator; rather, death will snatch them away and their souls will be shrieking in horror for ever and ever more. 

The fog, it impairs our ability to see clearly, and the darkness really is covering the earth these days, and gross darkness the people but the LORD shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee. 

The LORD is our hope in dark days, and I warn you, dear reader, we will be shrouded in it for a very long time. He is our Sun, and we must look to him to light our way:

Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life (John 8:12)

Leaving

The leaving started shortly after the marriage vows. How strange, and how come? One might think, why walk the plank, the wedding aisle, in the first place ... weren't there signs, warnings, for one, the other, or both of you, that something just wasn't quite right? 

Yes, there were indeed flashing yellow lights that indicated caution was required but alas, there was also love, of the real variety, and commitment, to what had been started. Backing down, backing out, indicates the presence of humility, and I didn't have that sort of glorious character trait way back when; I had the exact opposite approach to life and choices. I was an arrogant little self-serving spoiled to the core lazy brat that believed I could make things work, according to my plan, no matter the circumstances. Jesus taught me otherwise when he made my heart contrite, when my soul languished in sorrow over sin, when I realized how far I had gone away from God and toward, what? toward a sinful life, to state the case simply. 

That was many moons ago. As I face the facts, I realize how we, my former husband and I, missed each other as we passed in the hall, going in opposite directions, away from communicating, away from aligning, away from being a family. We were a perfect match, and perfectly mismatched too! I can say this now, after all this time, and after revisiting some of the letters and cards, tiny photo booth pictures and other reminders, of who we were as a couple. 

I started loathing him from my side of the bed just after we got married. How can a man recover his place in a woman's heart when resentment has taken root? We did not see eye to eye and never would, and it was only a matter of twenty-five years before the resolve to part ways would kick in, for him. We started leaving one another while we were still in love, but the trust was gone, for many reasons that will not be aired here. They say opposites attract, and while this is true, I have learned that similarity is God glue. I always wanted us to be one, and I think he did too? but not in that synergistic way I see some couples develop over time, where they work collaboratively, communicate without ego or attachment to having to be right, where they have a system that works and they each can freely ask for help, or encouragement, when need necessitates. I have seen this, dear reader, several times over recently, and periodically it has me long for something similar. I admire team work, don't you?

The old me has compassion for the younger me. The world was confusing and she was always trying to figure herself out and be emotionally mature, but there was a deficit, a disability, and I can say with confidence, philosophy and psychology books were my teachers when I was young and trying to make sense of everything, when what I really needed, was Biblical instruction, and someone to hold my hand while making decisions that would affect me for the rest of my life. My current understanding of self, may very well be why I am a dog with a bone, always wanting people to know the LORD, read scripture with reverence and then deference, and make sound choices based on God's commandments and precepts. Who better to trust and guide you and I, then the God that knows and loves us, best of all? 

I know that our personal point of pain becomes our mission and our work. I want so much to lead people to Christ when they are struggling, in the hope they will be rescued from the heartache of staying with someone that God has not picked for them. I always said that my husband was picked by God for me, because I loved him so much ... but what we want to believe and what measures up as Truth, are not always the same. We cannot make God agree with us, no matter how hard we try. 

I will be fifty-eight in just over a week. I really like my age: I am not trying to prove myself anymore; I no longer strive, struggle, argue, try to convince ... rather, I hope, I pray, and I bluntly speak and write without fear of reprisal, directing anyone that cares to hear or read what I put out, to the God that made them and keeps them. 

God loves you, and he loved me in my willful disobedient youth: but he doesn't want us to stay where we are, there is always room for soulful improvement and course correction. It has taken me a significant amount of time, reading The Bible, crying and listening to music, feeling sorry for myself and then calling myself to account to snap out of it, and pleading with God to get myself right, so that I don't carry around the baggage of resentment, bitterness, blame, or loathing that matched the immature me of my past. 

Reconciling with God was the work I had to do, and maybe it is time for you to do the same, dear reader? People collide, they bump into each other and are repelled away, and that is life with other humans. God though, always welcomes, always hears, always answers, and will say, This way, not that, little one. Do it my way and all will be well with your soul.

The Bible makes his way very clear. 

● Are you, willing to read with your mind readied to learn, his way? 

● Will you open your heart to his teaching and live his doctrines? 

● The peace of Christ is yours to be had, all you need do, is submit to his will, and all will be well with your soul.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7)

NOTE: I do not loathe my former husband, in fact, I love him still in many ways. God made him and I am thankful to God for all his creatures ... God is very, very good.